When the system doesn’t match the brain.

Most ADHD advice is built for the wrong brain.

You’ve probably heard it all before. Use a planner. Stick to a routine. Get organised. On the surface, it sounds reasonable. For some people, it even works. But for many with ADHD, it doesn’t land in a way that’s helpful or sustainable.

This isn’t a YOU problem, it’s the assumption underneath the advice that’s the issue.

Most of it is built on the idea that there is a “right” way to operate, and if you just follow the system closely enough, you’ll get the result. But ADHD doesn’t work like that. ADHD brains are not a broken versions of a “standard” model. They run on a different system entirely. Less like a template, more like a fingerprint- unique, variable, and shaped by a mix of energy, environment, and demand.

That variability matters because ADHD is situational. What works one day can fall apart the next, not because anything has gone wrong, but because the conditions have changed. Energy is lower. The task feels different. The pressure has shifted. Trying to apply the same strategy regardless of context often creates more friction than momentum.

So when a system doesn’t work, it’s not a sign that someone isn’t trying hard enough. It’s usually a mismatch between the strategy and the way their brain is operating in that moment.

A more useful starting point is to get curious about the individual.Notice the patterns, and treat it as data- with zero judgement.

Where do things tend to stall? Where do they move more easily than expected? What kinds of tasks drain them quickly, and which ones seem to generate momentum? When you begin to notice these patterns, you can start to see where the real gaps are. Often, they sit in areas like time awareness, getting started, holding information in mind, or managing emotional load under pressure.

From there, the focus shifts. Instead of asking, “How do I make myself stick to this system?” the question becomes, “What support would make this easier to do?”

This is where scaffolding becomes useful. Not as a rigid structure, but as a set of supports that can flex with the situation. External reminders, visual cues, simplified workflows, accountability, changes to the environment. Not one perfect system to follow, but a menu of options that can be drawn on depending on the day.

Because consistency, for an ADHD brain, doesn’t come from doing the same thing every time. It comes from having the right support available when it’s needed.

When the support fits, things start to shift. Tasks that once felt heavy become more manageable. Follow-through improves. The stop-start cycle softens.

And often, what changes most is not the output, but the experience of getting there.

“I’m just so sick of myself”

Have you ever quietly thought or said that ? I know I have. And if you are an ADHD’er or any type of neurodivergent, there is a good chance you have too.

Before my diagnosis, I used to tell myself that A LOT, even though I didn’t know why.

I thought I was just a hopeless, terrible person. And even afterwards, I still felt that way, but it began to come wrapped in a bit more compassion now that I knew it wasn’t my fault. My brain was wired a certain way that made living in a neurotypical world harder. Back then, I didn’t have the language or the tools to find a different way to be , or to forgive myself.

I have since realised that our inner dialogue , or what we tell ourselves, is actually the thing that determines, above nearly everything else, the quality of our lives.

One of the main jobs our unconscious mind has is to keep us safe. So it looks for things in the environment that could potentially be dangerous and then warns us about them, so we avoid them and stay out of danger. This is an important function that in ancient times, protected our ancestors from wild animals, natural disasters and dinosaurs. It’s also good thing sometimes in the modern world – it’s why we don’t generally climb into the Big Cat enclosure at the zoo or jump out of moving cars!

But here’s the catch – so much of our modern world is not “dangerous” to our lives, but more to our sense of self, to our identity, to our need to be “right”. So we still sense danger (which evokes that ancient “fight or flight” response), even when there’s nothing to fight with or run from!

We process all of this by talking to ourselves…and that’s where negative self-talk can come from.

It’s our magnificent minds trying to keep us safe; but more often than not, all it does this keep us stuck, procrastinating, living a small life, cycling around in a negative space, locked up in our comfort zone or old patterns.

The first step is starting to notice your self-talk, and then noticing when its not helping you or when it’s holding you back. It is then that you can start to replace negative self-talk with something more powerful.

For example, I have now switched out “ I am so sick of myself “ to “ I am proud of what I achieved today “ or “ I am good at listening to my body’s signals, and now I need to rest”

It’s important not to beat yourself up if you notice that you are saying more negative things than positive, because at some stage these things served a purpose, they were intended to keep you safe. And that’s a good thing- so now, simply notice them and ask yourself :

“ Do I need this anymore? Or is there something else I could tell myself that would be mroe empowering "?”

You are not broken, and you don’t need fixing.

And you deserve to feel kindness from yourself, and others.

When Your Role Outgrows Your Leadership Identity.

In fashion retail, promotions often come quickly. Strong results, commercial instinct, and reliability are rewarded with broader responsibility, bigger teams, and higher expectations. What rarely comes with that shift is time (or support) to recalibrate how you see yourself as a leader.

Isn’t that wild? It’s just expected that you will somehow know what to do or how to shift.

Many emerging leaders find themselves in a strange in-between space. On paper, they are leading. In practice, they are still operating like the high performer they were several years ago. They stay close to the detail, fix problems personally, and carry the pressure so the team can keep moving. The work gets done, but it feels heavier than it should.

This is not a capability issue. It is a leadership identity lag.

When your role evolves but your internal vision of who you are at work does not, effort fills the gap. You work harder instead of leading differently. You remain indispensable, but not always influential. You are trusted to deliver, yet not consistently positioned as a strategic voice.

Three pain points tend to show up at this stage.

First, you are still doing too much of the work. Leadership has been layered on top of delivery rather than replacing it, and you feel stretched across both.

Second, you are relied on, but not elevated. People come to you to solve problems, not always to shape direction.

Third, you are carrying more responsibility without feeling more confident. Despite results and titles, there is a quiet sense of not quite being there yet.

For many leaders, especially those who think fast, feel deeply, or operate differently to the norm, this phase is exhausting. Over time, it leads to overfunctioning, burnout, or disengagement.

The leaders who move through this transition sustainably do not wait for permission or push themselves harder. They update their leadership identity. They shift how they show up in meetings, what they hold versus what they delegate, and how they protect their capacity. They move from being valued for effort to being trusted for judgement.

Leadership growth at this level is not about confidence or charisma. It is about alignment. When who you believe you are as a leader matches the level you are operating at, the work becomes lighter, clearer, and more impactful.

If your role has changed and the weight has increased, it may be time to lead from a new identity, not an old one.

It’s still you, but with a fresh perspective.

And it’s not easy, but it’s simple when you know how.

The glamour and the grind.

Last year, I finally developed a roll of film from an old disposable camera that I took on my first ever international buying trip back in 1999. This particular photo was taken on the streets of Paris, on the Boulevarde Haussman, where all the big fancy department stores were.

I will never forget the feeling of being in the chicest, most glamorous city in the world for the very first time. I was so jet-lagged but I didn’t care, I just wanted to get amongst it. In those days, we shopped-til-we- dropped, buying samples to bring back and “ knock-off” ( yep, we did that back then) and taking sneaky photos on our digital cameras because there was no such thing as a camera phone then. We often got chased out of shops for that as well.
These were heady days, I loved everything about it - the hectic pace , the excitement of business class travel , but most of all the fashion.
I’d be lying if I said I didn’t bring back a few outlandish trends that never managed to translate to the Australian market, but that was the name of the game , and eventually you learned which ones were just the icing and which ones were going to set the market on fire.
But as a Buyer, you are only as good as your gross profit in the end , so there was a lot of pressure that went with that as well. We’d often fly straight in to China with our bags of samples to visit factories, choose fabrics and get costings. We’d be having to build an on-trend, strategic, cohesive and profitable range, and our job was to choose the right things to back for our customers. We didn’t always get that right, but when we did, it was a rush like no other.
In the days before social media, trends took a lot longer to bubble up so you had a bit more time to react and test, unlike today when it’s pretty much instant, and your customers have so much more choice.
In today’s fast paced and competitive landscape it’s still about the results, but if you are a senior buyer , a buying manager or a category manager, you’ve also now got a team to lead. You have to inspire them, teach them to strategise and plan ahead, and empower them to be their best .

All this while managing 3 seasons at once, weekly trade, managing up, down and cross-functionally.
The KPI‘s are all important but if you haven’t built your leadership skills and emotional intelligence, you’re going find it difficult to crack that next promotion, and keep yourself healthy .

I had some incredible leaders as I came through the ranks, who I am still inspired by today. There were also a few who weren’t so great, and they also serve to remind me of what NOT to do.

It’s a juggling act, and companies all too often promote high-performers without the necessary up-skilling. And that sets nobody up for success.

My leadership style was always to explain, be clear and honest and let my people do what they needed to do. I let them make mistakes, and I taught them how to self-correct quickly.

I didn’t know I had ADHD back then, but I do know that my creative and fast-thinking brain set me up to be a GREAT Buyer

What I say to emerging leaders now, is to be the leader you needed when you were coming through.

Always learn, never micro-manage and learn to laugh at yourself.

Nobody is going to die if that dress is 3 cm too short.

Warmly,

Sally