“I’m just so sick of myself”

Have you ever quietly thought or said that ? I know I have. And if you are an ADHD’er or any type of neurodivergent, there is a good chance you have too.

Before my diagnosis, I used to tell myself that A LOT, even though I didn’t know why.

I thought I was just a hopeless, terrible person. And even afterwards, I still felt that way, but it began to come wrapped in a bit more compassion now that I knew it wasn’t my fault. My brain was wired a certain way that made living in a neurotypical world harder. Back then, I didn’t have the language or the tools to find a different way to be , or to forgive myself.

I have since realised that our inner dialogue , or what we tell ourselves, is actually the thing that determines, above nearly everything else, the quality of our lives.

One of the main jobs our unconscious mind has is to keep us safe. So it looks for things in the environment that could potentially be dangerous and then warns us about them, so we avoid them and stay out of danger. This is an important function that in ancient times, protected our ancestors from wild animals, natural disasters and dinosaurs. It’s also good thing sometimes in the modern world – it’s why we don’t generally climb into the Big Cat enclosure at the zoo or jump out of moving cars!

But here’s the catch – so much of our modern world is not “dangerous” to our lives, but more to our sense of self, to our identity, to our need to be “right”. So we still sense danger (which evokes that ancient “fight or flight” response), even when there’s nothing to fight with or run from!

We process all of this by talking to ourselves…and that’s where negative self-talk can come from.

It’s our magnificent minds trying to keep us safe; but more often than not, all it does this keep us stuck, procrastinating, living a small life, cycling around in a negative space, locked up in our comfort zone or old patterns.

The first step is starting to notice your self-talk, and then noticing when its not helping you or when it’s holding you back. It is then that you can start to replace negative self-talk with something more powerful.

For example, I have now switched out “ I am so sick of myself “ to “ I am proud of what I achieved today “ or “ I am good at listening to my body’s signals, and now I need to rest”

It’s important not to beat yourself up if you notice that you are saying more negative things than positive, because at some stage these things served a purpose, they were intended to keep you safe. And that’s a good thing- so now, simply notice them and ask yourself :

“ Do I need this anymore? Or is there something else I could tell myself that would be mroe empowering "?”

You are not broken, and you don’t need fixing.

And you deserve to feel kindness from yourself, and others.